so i have been reeding my mothers blog and i thought i should say something. now i am in theorpy and have found out a lot about her like if you say no she will still your kids or try to have them taken from you and if she continus down the path she is on then i will have to post some of the files i have on her from alberta child and family services!!!!!
what do you think i should do ???
Go for it my daughter, you cannot hurt me anymore and if you are blaming me for your life, then you forgot that YOU have made the choices you've made in your life. My job was to direct and guide you which I did to the best of my ability even tho you didn't want it. I never claimed perfection, nor did I do anything wrong, I only did my best with what I had at the time.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I've been blamed for all kinds of things, and blamed my life on my parents for quite a while but I came to realize that there was no one to blame for the choices I made in my life but me. I'm sorry that you are having a rough time of things Krysti, but I am not to blame for the choices you made in your life. That is all on you. You may think I did a horrible job, that I did everything wrong, that I made you who you are, but you will come to realize, just as I did, that I did my best with what I had and of course I could have done better. Everyone could do better, but we all have 20/20 hindsight and I can see what I would have done differently given the chance to do it again, but I don't get that chance, neither do you. If you do a better job with Emmae, then you have learned from my mistakes and that's what parenting is. If you truly want to know about me, you would have had to live my life and you have not ever wanted to know me for who I am. You have always expected, as I did with my parents, that I should be perfect, or better, or more what you wanted or thought I should be. I am not that person, I am me. I am imperfect, I try to do my best, I do not always succeed, and I try to live my life in a manner that pleases me. You have been on your own for a long time, that's what you wanted. You left, you made my home a revolving door, leaving and coming as you pleased until I said no more. I have tried my best to help you, guide you, and let you know that no matter what I still loved you, as I do now. You and you alone are responsible for the choices you have made in this life. I will be held accountable for the choices I made in this life, good and bad, but no matter what you think I always tried my best. Yup, made mistakes, but never claimed to be perfect, and I have no issues with that. You will held accountable for the choices you have made and are still making. I'm hoping you make better choices than I do, that would be success for you. So far, I've not been impressed with some of the choices you've made, altho you have made some good ones that have impressed me as well... but I can tell you a little about you that lets me know the special kind of person you are.
ReplyDeleteYou are creative, with a heart of gold who cares about people and likes to help when you can. You try to be a good person, altho you let your anger get in the way sometimes, but for the most part you succeed. You love your family, your sisters whom you miss when they are not close to you and try to help them whenever possible. The things you create are impressive, sewing, scrapbooking, cards, etc. You have an imagination that borders on the unimaginable with thoughts and things I never would have thought of. Your imagination soars to unimaginable heights and is one of the things I cherish about you. Your laughter, when you allow it, is infectious and everyone hearing it laughs with you in delight. You work hard at whatever you are doing, and take great pleasure and satisfaction in doing it. You like doing a good job, and take pride in doing things well. You are a special person, and no matter how angry or hurt you think you are, I will always love you.
I'm sorry I cannot take responsibility for your choices or your life, even if I wanted to (and I don't, I have enough issues of my own). You must take responsibility for you, your choices and your own life. It is a hard learned lesson of my own, Krysti, one which I continue to learn on a daily basis. You are not who I made you, you are who YOU made you and if you don't like who you are there is nothing I can do, there is nothing I ever could do, you are the only one who can change you and become who you want to be. You may be angry because I didn't do things the way you wanted, or thought I should have, but I can't change the past, I can only work on the future. Another hard learned lesson that I continue to learn daily. A lesson we all learn on a daily basis.
ReplyDeleteKrysti, I will tell you again, you do not hurt me by your anger... you only hurt you. I'm sorry you are hurting so badly and having a rough time of things, I wish there was something I could do to make it easier, but in the long run of things there is not. I could offer short term solutions, as I have before, but they would not help in the long run. You must deal with whatever you are going thru. Just know that I love you no matter what and when you finally come to know this, I will still be here for you. You are my child, as Emmae is yours, and that will never change. I love you.